HEYA, BOOK NERDS!
WHAT IS QUERY HACK?
Query Hack is a query critique platform launched by the iWriterly team where writers have the opportunity to submit their book queries and Twitter pitches for FREE feedback from an industry professional. As part of iWriterly’s mission to give back to the writing community and help writers achieve their publication goals, blogs and videos will be published periodically, critiquing individual queries or Twitter pitches and providing recommendations for areas of improvement.
TWITTER PITCH, CRITIQUE #11 – YA Science Fiction
What if your life was turned into a game? In the small town of Astoria, Oregon, missing people flyers began to increase each day. Nobody knew what this mystery was. Until one day a girl named Hazel lived the big mystery. A life that needed to save other lives.
- Be careful starting your Twitter pitch or query with a rhetorical question. This has been done by writers a LOT, and many agents dislike rhetorical questions as a result.
- Because space is precious in tweets, consider omitting extra words (while also providing specific whenever you can): “In a small town in Oregon, missing persons flyers fill every billboard and available space.”
- Rather than saying no one knows what is causing people to go missing, let’s dive into specifics: People have gone missing [LOCATION].
- Let’s be more specific with Hazel’s involvement as well. Whenever possible, you want to add specific (vs. vague conflicts). What brought her to this town in Oregon? Is she from there? How did she get drawn into the disappearances? What’s at stake for her?
Here’s an example of another way you could write this pitch:
In a small town in Oregon, missing persons flyers litter the streets, w/ dozens of people disappearing each week. When Hazel’s BFF goes missing, she begins her own investigations & discovers the police have been hiding a secret in the forest: a secret the size of an alien ship.