Query Hack: Critique #6 – Adult Fantasy

Dear Query Hack,

Everyone has a past, but only one man is known as the Godslayer. Korsal killed the last living god who not only ruled his country, but also took away its identity. He returned home, hoping for someone better to rise in his place. They never came.

  • This first paragraph is SUPER intriguing. Killing a god???? I must know more. (Especially the part about taking away its identity. How is that even possible?)

Haunted by his legacy of defeating the monarch who ruled his country and stepping down, Korsal can no longer hide away in his thriving hometown while the rest of the country succumbs to violence. Taking up his reigns as a warlord once more, one question spirals him further into darkness: how far can he go before he becomes the ruler he put down?

  • I’m noticing some grammatical concerns in this paragraph.
  • Great details here, but I think we need more world-specific details. Why is he hiding in his hometown? Where is his hometown? Are we in a fantasy world? What are some of the must-know world-building elements of this world to include in a query? Why is the country in a state of upheaval? What was the ruler he put down like? What are Korsal’s ultimate desires and goals?

Joined by his wife, a warlord who would rather sing than fight, and a young woman seeking to become part of the warlord’s legacy, Korsal launches into a collision course against a rumored new god. He will either find the ruler he seeks in another or himself, or he’ll pay with his life for redemption. Either way, Korsal will find himself in legends.

  • So it sounds like this kingdom/world needs a new ruler? Who’s ruling it during this time of upheaval?
  • Again, the concept is very interesting, but we need more specific (vs. vague) conflicts here.

WARLORDS, complete at 101,000 words, is a fast-paced, multi-POV adult fantasy. I chose to query you because of your enthusiasm in helping writers grow through iWriterly videos and SavvyAuthors articles.

Thank you very much for your time and consideration.

  • Aw thanks for your sweet words!
  • Don’t forget a bio paragraph! We want to learn a little bit about you as well. :)

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